


Echos

by Trainkrazy



Category: Gakuen Mokushiroku | Highschool of the Dead
Genre: Autumn, F/M, Family, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, Rain, Romance, Slice of Life, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28939542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trainkrazy/pseuds/Trainkrazy
Summary: The cool breeze of late autumn guides the group to a mansion in the abandoned countryside. With a warm fire, a few acres, and each other's company, their bonds will be tempered and dormant feelings will be freed.
Relationships: Hirano Kohta/Takagi Saya
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	1. Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for mild trauma, sexual references, implied sex between characters and use of adult language. (Can be altered in the future.)
> 
> Thanks for choosing to have a look at my story, I hope you enjoy! I think my writing style is a bit odd, but gets the job done.
> 
> I do not own Highschool of the Dead or any associated properties. All rights go to their respective owners.

* * *

Rain slammed against the windows of the old, dusty mansion, thunder roaring overhead as the skies above Japan wept, drenching the barren countryside and its few inhabitants. Anything living had already bedded down in order to wait out the storm.

However, dark shapes moved through the blue twilight, shambling about without direction. They had no need to rest. They only hungered and thusly continued to find their next meal.

It was through the flash of lightning that a figure could briefly be seen watching the undead. Kohta’s watchful eye had been keeping an eye on this group for upwards of an hour, the sound of the storm masking them to his friends’ location.

The sharpshooter had agreed to be on first watch for the evening, thus far it was proving to be a rather uneventful task. Which didn’t bother him, of course, uneventful was safe, though he still kept his rifle at his side.

It had already been almost a year since the beginning of the apocalypse. Their old lives were now fading away like the cloaked sun on the horizon. So much had changed, though perhaps they had not.

Takashi’s leadership and Saya’s wits had gotten them through the tide of chaos, not without injury, but thankfully without loss. The panic of those first few weeks slowly shifted into routine, like a machine that needed some oiling. Although the dead were still to be feared, they had evolved and were able to avoid or eliminate any obstacle in front of them.

On quiet evenings like this, Kohta’s memories and regrets would cloud his focus. There were moments when he could sometimes hear the screams of his classmates or the civilians at the Takagi manor. Their faces, twisted in agony, polluting his nightmares, common as they were, often waking with cold sweat.

In each of these dreams, there was one constant. A woman’s salute to him, as tears streamed down her face, knowing that it was the end. He could still see her through his gunsight, even now.

He glanced over at his rifle, the one he had used to kill Asami. Shizuka’s pep talk had gotten him out of a rut at the time, but it hadn’t really healed the wounds left behind by the event. As much as he tried to hide this from the others, it still bothered him.

Now he wasn’t sure if it would ever go away.

Shaking his head, he tried to keep his attention Them, their movements slow, lethargic.

Through all of their experiences they had learned how to cope with their undead neighbors. Some simple rules kept them safe and had been strictly adhered to.

One, never be caught outside at night. Two, operate silently when They are nearby, even Zeke somehow understood this, though They never seemed concerned with eating a dog. The third, in the aftermath of Asami’s death, was to always have an escape route and never become surrounded. Alleyways and other chokepoints were avoided at all costs.

There were a few others, but each of these practices made every day past Z-Day more bearable.

His stomach growled; it had already been four hours since his watch began, about time for him to return to the group for a snack. _I wonder what we’re having for dinner._

He traced the courtyard one final time before closing the balcony door, heading back to the foyer. The group had covered most of the windows on the ground floor so their light wouldn’t attract unwanted attention. They sat close to the hearth, roasting some marshmallows they had found in a gas station not two days before.

Takashi and Saeko were conversing quietly along with Shizuka and Alice, the four companions enjoying their sweet treat.

Saya’s head was buried in a book she found amongst others in the study of their temporary dwelling. He found his eyes lingering on the pink-haired girl for a moment before grabbing a stick of his own, stabbing two of the sugary lumps and placing them over the fire. They would be stale, no doubt, but that was normal.

He could feel some of their eyes on him, it wasn’t much of a surprise. He tried to not raise any red flags with his behavior, and they were courteous enough to allow him space to deal with his emotions.

As the flames danced in front of him, Kohta found his mind wandering once more. It had been over six months since they had last seen their families, most of them were safe from harm, though the gunner still had no word about his. They weren’t able to remain with them, unfortunately, the influence of ‘adults’ on their group continued to be as unwelcome as it was during their visit to Takagi’s parents’ home.

Takashi had recovered quickly, for the most part, but Rei had taken it the hardest by far. Said ginger was out of sight, likely searching the house looking for things they could use.

The marshmallows were now a rich, golden brown, he took the liberty to munch them off the hot stick, careful to not touch his lips.

This unlikely band of six strangers, plus one dog, had become more of family to him than anyone else. Though, he hoped his parents were safe. _Never would’ve thought I’d have friends at the end of the world._

He smiled.

“Whatchu smilin’ about, Kohta?” Somehow Alice appeared beside him without notice, causing him to jump.

“Just thinking, munchkin.” He poked at the logs, cleaning off the residue.

She pouted, “How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not a munchkin anymore!” Her cheeks puffed out. Out of everyone, she had become the most confident in the past year, though she somehow thought being eight years old suddenly made her an adult.

He chuckled, “At least once more, munchkin!”

They were all her big brothers and sisters, each taking a part in raising and educating their youngest member in their own way. She was their future, though it was difficult for him to explain.

The girl continued to sit to his left, silent, simply watching the fire. As much as he wanted to sit with the others, he took this lapse in conversation to return to his post. Alice didn’t seem offended, returning to Shizuka’s side.

He was almost to the top of the stairs when he was stopped. “Mind if I join you, Kohta?” Takashi had looked up from where he was sitting.

The shooter thought for a moment, but nodded, “Yeah, no problem.”

* * *

Ever since that nuke detonated in the sky, the lights had remained dead, save for a few flashlights they scrounged together. Saya had explained the EMP in fair detail to them, but the lack of streetlamps or headlights still bothered him.

The wind nipped at his nose, reminding him of his job.

Takashi had found a stool somewhere and sat close by, gazing out the window alongside him. Rain had dampened the carpet near the balcony door, but it wasn’t blowing in yet.

“Got anything on your mind?”

He knew Komuro didn’t follow him just because, their leader would rather stay by Saeko’s side whenever possible. Part of him knew what Takashi was alluding to, but he chose to deflect.

“It’ll probably pour most of the night, if I had to bet, so I don’t think we have to worry about Them for the time being. Their senses are overloaded.”

Their leader smirked, “A sound analysis, General.”

His nickname. Though not a very creative one, he still appreciated it. The familiarity was another reminder of how close they all had become to another, the thought alone warmed him.

The chill was beginning to seep into the room, though they had a small wood stove in the corner of the room, Kohta didn’t want to light it. Fear of raiders and the thought of wasting fuel for a small comfort outweighed some cold fingers and toes.

It had been common practice for them to move from house to house, and town to town, only staying for a few days at a time, gathering the few supplies they found and continuing on.

Since they had found their families, their mission had changed somewhat. At first it seemed like the group would split up entirely. Souichirou had secured land and resources that were plenteous and sustainable, for the most part. Takashi’s and Rei’s parents encouraged them to stay, wanting their children to be safe.

For his companions the world would never be the same. If they were going to be treated like children, then it was time to leave.

Saya’s father agreed to this, valuing their autonomy, likely seeing the results they had when they were given the freedom to decide.

So, they had compromise. Though it wasn’t as effective as a cell phone, they had a radio which gave them a line with the stronghold. There were still other survivors beyond the walls they had created, and Takashi’s group would find them.

They were asked to relay their coordinates and whereabouts every few days, thus far the communication was pretty clear. If the need arose, they could find their way back.

Quickly, they found out, those that had managed to survive did not want to be found and did not want to be bothered with. Instead, they altered course and spent time looking through government offices, records, labs and facilities where clues about how They came about could be found. There wasn’t a paper trail to speak of and the hints they did find were vague and mostly worthless.

For the time being, they had a few days left where they would shelter in the mansion, but they would move on.

Takashi leaned back, placing his hands behind his head, “I don’t know about you, but it’s nice to hear the rain again.”

“It’s been what, two, no, three weeks?”

He nodded, “Feels longer than that, guess time is starting to crawl.”

Kohta chuckled, “Kind of strange, to be honest.”

The sound of the rain echoed off the roof, the two boys observing in silence.

“Not sure if you noticed, but Saya was staring at you back there.”

Hirano could see a knowing smirk plastered on his friend’s face, but he didn’t entertain him.

“Right, we both know that could mean anything.” He scoffed. Unbeknownst to the leader of their group, the gunner’s ears were burning.

Though they had managed to become closer, Kohta was still unsure what Saya’s true feelings were. The crush he had seemed as strong as ever, given that she could still easily string him along, sometimes it seemed like she wanted something more, but just as soon as her walls came down, she shielded herself. Saya was a know-it-all and still berated him from time to time, even still, something seemed… _different?_

Takashi bumped him on the shoulder, “Whatever you say man, figured you’d like to know.”

He smiled, unsure how to respond. “Thanks.”

It wasn’t much of a secret, even Shizuka had commented in the past on them, and if the nurse was aware, then so was Takagi. The small, quiet support that he received from the group made him feel significantly better, almost like they approved of his feelings, but the idea of them becoming intimate still seemed impossible.

Afterall, they had much bigger problems to deal with than romance or rather that’s what he kept telling himself.

* * *

Once their talk concluded, Takashi waited for a few minutes before leaving him in peace. He couldn’t see light coming from the hall any longer, so the others had likely turned in for the evening. The boy reassured him that Saeko would come and swap out with him in a few hours.

The first shift, as he called it, was always the longest, and he preferred it. It made him feel important to the group. He glanced to the clock on the wall, more out of habit, he had checked for batteries, but it was dead. Judging by when they had dinner and how long he’d been out there already, _It’s probably around eleven or so._

Creaking floorboards alerted Kohta to a new visitor, the door groaning open behind him. Turning, he saw Saya standing in the threshold, a notepad in her hand, looking rather perplexed.

“Can’t sleep?” He smiled warmly at her.

Their genius shook her head, “Guess not, I figured I’d check on you to make sure you weren’t snoozing on the job.”

Jabs like that didn’t affect him anymore, but he still feigned offense. “My, my, Saya, do you not trust me? After all this time?”

She had been walking over to him but grabbed a pillow nearby and threw it at his head. Taking a seat beside him, where Komuro had been, she began scribbling away at something, the room silent save the faint patter of rain.

For the first few weeks it was difficult for all of them to find rest of any kind, not knowing who to trust or if their defenses and shelters would hold. Eventually they developed a system that worked, but Saya was still very much a night owl.

They’d often just sit in silence, while she wound down, since Kohta always took first shift. It was comfortable in a way, another reminder that they were close, once again. Just knowing she was there set him at ease.

_You’d almost think we weren’t surrounded by rotting corpses._

Usually something was bothering her though, so he spoke up. “Anything bothering our resident mastermind?”

She looked out across the courtyard, through the rain and into the darkness beyond. It took many unsuccessful tries for her to open up to him at all. The best method was to goad her ego, he found, though she could still be pretty volatile.

His persistence eventually paid off.

“Can’t really say, it’s kind of odd really.” Her face scrunched ever so slightly. “I just kept turning over and over, nothing I did seemed to quiet my mind.”

He nodded; it was a familiar feeling. “Maybe we have insomnia?” Trying to joke.

She snorted, “As if, you snore louder than a gorilla.”

Warmth bloomed in his cheeks, “Hey!”

There was a trademark, mischievous sparkle dancing in her eyes.

Rolling his in response, “Ha-ha, very funny.” He resisted the urge to pout.

She puffed out her chest, playing the persona of a haughty princess. “I only ever tell the truth, dear citizen.”

He bowed low, “Thank you so much, your majesty, for blessing me with your opinion of my sleeping habits.”

A snort and giggle followed, bracing him from the cold of the night. “Are you sure you didn’t want to become a politician before this all started?”

“Yeah right, could you see me on a podium in front of thousands of people, claiming that I’ll fix all their problems?”

The idea projected in his mind, the result fairly amusing. He hummed, “Absolutely, no doubt.”

She nudged him, “Not on your life, I’d much rather have been a biologist or something.”

He chuckled, silence settling on the pair. Without the moon it was impossible for him to tell what time it was, exactly, that is, making him wonder if there were any analog watches around.

_Either way, Saeko should be along shortly._

Sparing a few glances at Saya, the pensive expression from before marred her features. It hurt not knowing what to say or do to help. Before, he would openly ask what was wrong, only to be met with her fiery temper, now he knew it was better to wait and listen. If she wanted to say something, she would, simple as that.

Closing his eyes, he centered his mind on the wind and the rain, the muffled grunts and moans of the undead going unnoticed.

“Hey Kohta…”

The sound of the door opening interrupted her. _Damnit!_

Saeko walked in, noticing the two. She looked between them with a puzzled expression, seeing that both were a little miffed.

“I didn’t cut in, did I?”

Kohta held his tongue, but it was plain to see that Saya was angry. She kept it surprisingly controlled, however.

“No, nothing. I was just about to leave.”

His curiosity had been aroused, she was never open about her feelings around him, usually choosing one of the other girls to speak with.

_She was going to say something._

But what?

Takagi stood rather quickly, notes in hand, and made a swift exit, leaving Kohta behind. Their eyes lingered on the door.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked at the warrior. Exhaling through his nose, “It’s no big deal.”

She smiled sheepishly, “I’ll take watch now, you should get some rest.”

Grabbing his AR-10, he went to the hall, “Thank you, Saeko, have a good night.”

“I wish you the same, Kohta.”

* * *

By the time he had returned to the main room, where they all decided to sleep, Saya had already flipped over, facing away from his sleeping bag. It was eating away at him, but he knew better than to bug her. He’d just have to wait again, like always.

It could’ve been about anything, he tried assuring himself, but a small, hopeful part of his brain though that she might be confessing. Of what? He wasn’t sure, she didn’t seem the type to declare her love for someone. He would’ve likely slapped himself, were it not for the fear of waking the others.

_Girls don’t confess to guys._

Likely, similar to times before, she just had some emotional problem that she needed to get off her chest. Saya had to leave her parents twice, so maybe it was about that?

Whatever it was she wanted to say, she didn’t want Saeko to hear.

_Anyways, there’s plenty more important matters than relationships to consider nowadays._

They weren’t in high school anymore. As much as he wished they were sometimes. He scoffed quietly to himself, placing his rifle above his head, against the wall. Usually he would’ve already slipped into pajamas, but with everyone asleep, he’d just quickly do it now.

Rolling over in his bag, he turned from the dwindling flames, their dim, orange light bobbed across the ceiling.

He had enough thinking for one day, it was time to get whatever rest he could, and pray the nightmares wouldn’t find him again.

* * *


	2. Game

* * *

Petrichor was dense in the air as the sun broke through the clouds the following morning. It cut through the heavy, most air, but didn’t do much in the way of temperature. No traces of Them remained, from what they could tell, having disappeared in the night, perhaps following the sound of the storm unknowingly.

Kohta returned to his perch, now on the balcony itself, doing what he did every couple of mornings, breaking down and providing maintenance to their various firearms. It was a methodical, even boring task to some, but he enjoyed every second. Not only did it take his mind off other matters, the cool breezed helped clear his head and lungs.

The sleep he had gotten was restless, fairly typical recently. His eyes traced the hills to the west, the town at the base of them, as well as the roads leading there, searching for any trace. None of Them dotted the landscape, to his relief, though you could never be too careful.

It had become a kind of habit to mumble to himself, having a vantage point often meant he was separated from the group. “Nearly a hundred yesterday and then not one this morning.”

He shook his head, back to work. If it weren’t for their experience, one could almost be fooled into believing They were gone for good, nothing more than some bad dream.

How he wished it was true.

Although, he chambered a round into his rifle, it did give him an opportunity to use his skills. The gunner then broke down one of their submachine guns, Saya’s MP5, and began oiling the barrel and other components, his careful hand gliding through the motions.

 _Maybe they have some kind of primitive awareness, like a predatory instinct. When foods no longer nearby, the move to find it._ The easier solution was that They followed the thunder and nothing more. As vicious as They could be, intelligence was an issue.

In a matter of minutes, the weapon was reassembled, looking good as new. He tested the action, ensuring his standard of quality, though his mind continued to wander.

Ever since they’d arrived, something about this place seemed different, but he couldn’t be sure what. The mansion sat on a hill, giving it a clear advantage, overlooking the entire valley surrounding it.

_It wouldn’t take much to fortify this place…_

Each time they found someplace worthwhile; he couldn’t help not wanting to just…

His muse was interrupted, a knock at the door startling him. Takashi was the intruder this time, he strolled up to the balcony.

“Yo. Rest well?” Their leader smiled cheerily.

Kohta shrugged, “I suppose, as good as it could get. Got a lot on my mind.”

 _He must’ve spent some_ quality _time with Saeko last night._ It was no coincidence that their shifts were in the dead of night, when everyone else would be asleep. Saya had hinted this to him.

If that smile was any indication, he was correct. Komuro admired the view of the valley, breathing deeply. “I understand, I’m kind of in the same boat myself.”

“Oh?” Kohta was curious.

“Just thinking about which way, we should head next, stuff like that. We’ve broken into just about every lab we could find and haven’t found a clue to how this all started.”

 _Of course._ They wouldn’t be here but a few more days, unless, perhaps, Kohta dragged his feet. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, we haven’t even checked the towns around us for supplies.”

Takashi smiled, “I know, I know. Guess overthinking has become a habit of mine.”

“Hah, might want to leave that to Saya, she does enough for all of us.”

He snorted, “Too right.”

They sat quietly for a time, before Komuro spoke again. “This place could spoil a person.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s so peaceful, beautiful even, especially compared to the city.”

Hirano nodded, “Yeah…” He could see Shizuka and Alice playing with Zeke in the garden below, dodging between the overgrown bushes and fauna, laughing carefree. A bitter feeling welled inside him. _Why can’t it be like that every day?_

He fumbled with a safety pin on one of the handguns, “You know… why couldn’t we just stay here?”

It wasn’t the first time he argued for this, but the mansion, this valley, he didn’t want them to waste this opportunity to start fresh. No adults, just their family.

All it would take is trimming and growing the garden, fortifying the hill also took priority. The estate was blessed by having well water as opposed to being tied to a city. Though it was simple, a hand pump and several large buckets had been sufficient enough so far.

Takashi just looked at him, that same expression.

Like he’d grown a second head.

Rather than responding, he let the silence continue, thinking on how to respond. Kohta already knew the answer, it was always the same.

Afterall, his parents were gone, for all he knew, but the others… their families were waiting for them to return.

“I don’t know.” Was all Takashi spoke.

He didn’t know why he tried, so he changed tracks. “Just a thought, it’s no big deal.”

Though it was to him.

“Are you alright, man?”

Something must’ve shown on his face. He was conflicted, unsure whether he wanted to hide his feelings or not. “Sure.”

Takashi gripped his shoulder, most would find that to be an encouraging gesture, but somehow, it grated on his nerves.

_Like I’m being looked down on._

“Y’know, if you ever have something you want to get off your chest, that’s why I’m here.” His words were warm, well meaning, eyes sincere. It was almost enough for Hirano to spill his guts about why he wanted to stay put.

Almost.

Instead, putting on his best face, he looked at his friend. “Thanks, Takashi, I appreciate your concern.”

The boy released him with a pat. “No problem. Now come on, I think the girls are just about finished preparing breakfast. You know how Saya gets when she has to wait.”

He chuckled in response, although a little bitter, Komuro didn’t detect it or chose to not comment. Kohta gathered the guns around him, carefully returning them to their various bags and boxes for protection.

Emotions in his chest continued to bubble, growing hotter.

* * *

If there was one thing that Kohta missed in this new world it was a hearty helping of bacon and eggs, like the Americans ate. Their meal was a quiet affair, each one eating their helping of beef jerky, canned vegetables, and dried fruit.

Finding food that wasn’t completely spoiled or tasteless was next to impossible nowadays, they hadn’t found anything unique in a few weeks. For the most part they could bear it.

He fiddled with a few green beans before sticking them in his mouth. _They aren’t attracted to animals, maybe starting a farm could work? Raiders would probably be an issue…_

The more plausible he made his idea, the harder it was for him to not think about it.

They’d likely have to make a supply run to one of the towns soon, as much as they didn’t want to. The threat of Them in close quarters the biggest issue. But they needed food and clothing, with winter on their doorstep it was crucial they be prepared.

After swallowing her jerky, Rei spoke up. “So, I found something neat last night.”

This quickly claimed the groups attention.

“Do tell.” Quipped Saya.

The girl smiled proudly, “A telescope!”

Anything of scientific nature always captured Saya, likely to distract her from the literal end of civilization. Allowing her mind to be put to work. She slapped her hands on the table, clearly excited. “Really?”

“You bet, one of the bedrooms upstairs had it. Guess the people who owned this place liked stargazing. There were charts, books, and everything.”

This brightened Saya’s mood significantly, “I’d like to see it for myself. It’d give me something to do besides reading all day.”

“After we’ve finished cleaning up, I’ll show you.” The ginger beamed, proud of her discovery.

Alice piped up, “I want to see too!”

“Me first!” Saya countered playfully.

Laughter broke out, easing some of the tension Kohta had been feeling since that morning.

* * *

A few hours had passed, and distant cracks of thunder could be heard. The air, once more, grew thick and heavy winds rolled through the valley, whistling through the trees, dragging dark clouds in from the ocean.

Hirano could tell, even from his limited meteorological experience, that it was going to another doozy of a rainstorm.

Sure enough, a fresh torrent started pounding down on the mansion, though, for him, that simply meant putting on a parka and some rain boots. Following their meal each morning, he made it his business to patrol the perimeter of their shelter, not matter how big or small. It was another thing he could do to help and ensure none of Them were going to catch them unaware.

 _Row, row, row your boat…_ He hummed quietly to himself, remembering when they crossed the river with the Humvee.

“Man, I miss that truck.”

The grounds themself were roughly a quarter mile square, giving them about forty acres of enclosed land. A metal fence, about eight feet in height, surrounded them. It was encouraging but wouldn’t be enough to keep a horde of Them at bay. Or keep raiders out.

It could easily be improved, for the most part, they had plenty of places to scavenge from.

“Hey! Kohta!” He could hardly hear Takashi above the sound of the storm, the boy waving at him from the main entrance.

He returned the gesture, trudging over through the grass and mud. Komuro was waiting for him at the door.

“Something wrong?”

“Nope.” He replied simply. “Just didn’t want you to get waterlogged, can’t have our marksman getting sick.”

“I’m made of sturdier stuff than that.”

“I know, better safe than sorry, though.”

Going inside, he hung his coat in the foyer, shucking his boots by the door. Shizuka and Saeko were sitting near the fireplace, Komuro joining the purple haired girl.

Sitting down beside the others he basked in the warmth of the fire, his pants had gotten soaked.

“Is it weird that I’m bored right now?” Saeko murmured from her chair.

“We could play a board game or something?” The blonde nurse suggested.

Knowing it’d give him an excuse to change pants, Kohta hopped up. “That does sound fun, I’ll try to find something. Haven’t really taken a good look in the study.”

Takashi nodded, “Maybe try lassoing the others so we can all play together? It’s been a while since we’ve had a break.”

After a brief, “Affirmative.” Kohta went up to where his new room was. They’d decided to use the various bedrooms that morning, much to his surprise. Their leader suggested this so that they could enjoy some privacy again, since the mansion could accommodate. Of course, he chose where he’d been on sentry duty. Part of him wondered if Takashi’s intentions weren’t as noble as they seemed.

His personal belongings, few as they were, sat on the desk in a corner. His clothing had remained in a large suitcase, but he took the liberty to use the attached closet, his rifle leaned against the headboard of the bed.

They didn’t really have an effective way of cleaning their clothes yet, so he hung his pants and undergarments over a rod to let them dry.

Now clad in something more comfortable, he set off to the study, hopefully finding a board game that all seven of them could play.

The room was well furnished, bookshelves lining the walls, an unused fireplace next to the door for the balcony. It reminded him of the Takagi’s home, sophisticated, clean, well above his station.

Browsing the shelves, he managed to find where they kept the games, from what he could tell there was a fairly broad selection. Grabbing a few he thought would be acceptable he exited, finding the next flight of stairs. From the limited time he spent exploring, there were a total of five floors. The lowest nothing more than a glorified cellar, the middle three, and then an attic.

When they first arrived, the mansion had seemed like a labyrinth of similar looking halls and rooms. Typically, the group stayed in single family homes, never lingering for more than a few days. The previous patrons of the house had left a note, a first for them, usually dwellings had been abandoned without warning.

\---

To whomever finds this letter, the estate is yours, may it serve you well as it did my family. In this dark time, I wish you all the best of luck and may God protect you.

Sincerely, D.

\---

There were no signs of a break-in. No rotten corpses, trails of blood, or people to be found anywhere. To find a place so clean and orderly, was incomprehensible. For the first day or so it bothered them, but eventually accepted the strangeness.

He continued winding his way until he stood just outside a door, he could hear the girls giggling on the other side.

Knocking first, he pushed it open, alerting the occupants.

“Kohta?”

They were crowded around a board by the telescope, it had star charts and other interesting articles pinned to it.

Raising the board games in his arms, he smiled. “Shizuka-sensei suggested playing some games, you guys want to join?”

Alice immediately jumped up, “Really? Awesome!” She rushed out past him, Zeke hot on her heels.

Saya cocked her hip out, a bemused expression on her face. “Board games, really?”

When she looked at him like that, his resistance was blown to cinders. “Why not? It’ll be fun. Right?”

“I’m down.” Rei stated, giving Saya a little push.

The girl relented, “Alright, but you guys better not pick anything boring!”

* * *

Dumping the stash of games on the floor, Alice quickly started sorting through them, looking for something to play.

“Oh! How about Uno?” She grabbed the small red box and held it up triumphantly.

Everyone sat down, forming a circle, as Takashi took the box from the girl and began shuffling and dealing the cards, each player eyeing one another in playful distrust.

It didn’t take but a few minutes before Kohta cried out, having been attacked by Saeko’s relentless barrage of plus two and plus four cards.

“What have I ever done to you…” He pitifully whimper.

A wicked gleam had embedded itself in the swordswoman’s eye. “You see, my dear gunner, a warrior always has a trick up her sleeve.”

In no time the purple haired demon had whittled her hand down to just two cards.

“Takashi, you gotta stop her, she’s going to win!” Kohta hoped his battle brother would avenge him.

The leader, however, snorted, “You’re kidding right? I couldn’t make a play to save my neck!” His hand was shafted from the get-go, only having a variety of number cards.

Shizuka was sitting pretty with about half the deck and Alice had bailed to find snacks somewhere in the kitchen, if they were still edible.

_No wilds, no skips, nothing! I hate this game!_

Two turns passed and Saeko stood over them, victorious, a smug huff escaping her. “It was too easy.”

Tears were leaking from Takashi as he showed the others his hand.

Kohta couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, “Dude, you’re the unluckiest Uno player of all time.”

The boy could only nod as he stacked the cards together and returned them to the box. They didn’t want to stoke Saeko’s ego more than necessary, even if it had all been by sheer luck.

* * *

Before they knew it, the afternoon had faded into night, the storm continuing to rage. They could hear the rain pounding against the rooftop, like a symphony of distant drums. Of course, they took a few opportunities now and again to make sure their undead neighbors hadn’t decided to show. Kohta had locked the gate tight with some chain while he was out.

Shizuka had decided it would be best for her and Alice to turn in early, much to the younger girl’s displeasure. The nurse had selected the room right by the stairs, a central position in the house. Having already barricaded the doors and windows on the ground floor, they felt pretty secure.

Her decision didn’t bother the teens, it meant they could be rowdier, without fear of disturbing her. For the time being, they were just relaxing. Takashi and Kohta were playing War with one of the card decks. Saya was reading another book since the clouds obstructed the telescope. She glanced occasionally at the boys. Rei and Saeko were roasting more marshmallows by the fire.

Kohta had already been winning his third game against their unfortunate leader when Rei broke the comfortable silence.

“You guys want to play another game?”

They eyed her curiously, “What’d you have in mind?”

Takashi was downtrodden, convinced he was just the worst at card games in general. “Anything’d be better than this.”

She tapped her chin in thought, before a mischievous smirk erupted on her face.

“How about some Truth or Dare?”

Kohta, who had been sipping on a water bottle at the time, sucked the beverage down the wrong pipe, unleashing a fit of coughs.

_Leave it to Rei to choose one of the most embarrassing party games._

Takashi scratched his head, his cheeks tinted pink. “I don’t know, isn’t that game kind of childish?”

If Kohta could speak, he would vehemently agree with him. Anything to avoid the inevitable embarrassment.

What they didn’t expect were the girl’s eyes hardening, leaving no room for argument or discussion. Like shards of ice, they would be forced to play the game. Takashi could feel a chill run up his spine.

“Okay, forget what I said, Truth or Dare sounds great! Right, Kohta?”

Their unusual fury turned on him, though he was still recovering from hacking up a lung. Not wanting to go against the grain, and unsure of what would happen to him if he said no, he nodded his head in defeat.

All he would have to do is avoid taking any dares, especially since the boys were outnumbered.

Rei did a quick clap and disappeared to the kitchen with a happy giggle. She came back a short time later with an empty beer bottle. “They had a bunch of booze in there, figured it wouldn’t hurt to pour one out. The smell was like death itself.”

They laughed as she sat down, gathering around to play.

“Since I suggested it, I’ll spin first!” Rei spun the bottle, which stopped on Saya.

“Alright, truth or dare?”

She hesitated for a second, “Truth.”

“Hmm. Have you ever gone overseas?”

Takagi shook her head, “I was too young to travel with Mama and Papa at the time, so I never got the chance, kind of regret it now.”

“Really? In all the time I’ve known you, that’s surprising.” Takashi piped up.

She smirked, “Just because we grew up around each other, doesn’t mean you know everything about me.”

A small, jealous spike pierced Kohta’s heart, which he quickly killed. He was always suspicious that Saya might’ve had feelings for Takashi, and it was moments like this that’d make him question it again. It was silly, he always convinced himself, his friend would never deliberately harm him in that way. Regardless he believed their leader had his eye on a swordswoman.

The pinkette spun the bottle, Takashi was next.

“Truth or dare?”

Komuro puffed his chest confidently, “Dare.”

This possibly caught Takagi off guard, she looked around for a second, before looking at the marshmallow bag.

“I dare you to eat ten of these at once.”

Their leader took it from her, pulled ten out, and immediately stuffed them in his mouth. They couldn’t help but laugh with him as he tried to put down the puffy treats, the struggle evident on his face.

This was another moment, that Kohta noticed now, where they were finally able to act their age, as strange as it was. Cutting up as if all was right in the world. It was fun to see his friends enjoying themselves.

After another minute of chewing, Takashi finally reached for the bottle and spun it.

Kohta was next.

“Truth or dare?”

“Uh, truth.”

“Saya might’ve never been across the big blue lake, but what about you? Have you ever left the country?”

Kohta had already told Takashi this, but he answered all the same. “I have, my mother used to take me to Paris and other places when she demoed her new dress lines. Everything I learned about shooting mostly came from when I visited America.”

The girls were clearly surprised, Takashi, obviously, not so much.

“So, you were being serious about your mom?” Saya was the first to comment, clearly referring to their time back on the minibus, before breaking off from Shido’s cult.

He snorted, “You think I’d lie to you? She stopped taking me a while ago, but I remember seeing the Eiffel Tower. I was apparently… paying too much attention to the models for my mother’s taste. So, I haven’t left Japan in a couple of years.”

Takashi elbowed him, “Oh-ho, you dog!”

It was embarrassing to say, but he felt comfortable around them, and there was no point in lying. As his face heated up, he attempted to defend himself. “W-well, I was a growing boy after all! It was… you know… only natural!”

This put the group in stiches, he didn’t need to spill his guts, but they were happy. He had been used to being laughed at, but this was different, it felt good. Like he was accepted as he was.

Clearing his throat, he reached for the bottle. “Alright, who’s next?”

* * *

The five of them played well into the night, any desire they had to rest ignored. Saeko had managed to hunt down some snacks from one of the pantries, stale of course, but it was better than just eating marshmallows, less sticky too.

Her more interesting discovery was an unopened bottle of whiskey.

“You really think we should be drinking that?” Saya eyed the golden liquid with distrust.

Rei, on the other hand, was all in. “Come on, what harm could there be in having a little fun, we’re all friends.”

The idea of having alcohol in the mix bothered Kohta immensely, though he didn’t let on. After some back-and-forth negotiation, it was decided that he would police the drink so to speak, since he chose to not partake. For the time being, they were having fun.

Considering they were high schoolers; he didn’t expect it to take very long for them to get bubbly. His parents could hold their drink well enough; rarely did he see them outright drunk, but his friends were surely tipsy at this point.

A couple of rounds went by, stumbling a bit, and for the most part all the questions and dares were fairly normal. Unsure of when, the girls started to steer the game to an unwanted, intimate direction. Still, he held his tongue.

“I’m still a virgin, sure!” Takashi declared boastfully, glaring at his ex-girlfriend. “Why should you care?”

There had already been a few heated exchanges, more around Saeko, Rei, and Takashi of course. He wasn’t exactly sure who had the grudge, but they were trying to dig at one another.

Saeko grabbed the bottle, Komuro blowing a final raspberry at the ginger. The cursed item landed on Hirano.

“Truth or dare?” Saeko grinned at him from where she sat. He didn’t like the look in her eyes.

“Truth.”

Rei, who had now started munching on some crackers, spoke around them. “Come o-o-on, Kohta! You never play dare, it’s boring and unfair! Everyone else has already!”

“Well, I just don’t like dares is all. It’s my choice and truths are more… insightful?” He nodded, agreeing with himself, heat rising in his cheeks.

She rolled her eyes, “Whatever, you have to do one sometime!”

_Not really._

Clearing her throat, Saeko continued the game. “Have you been kissed by a girl?”

A crack of thunder followed, with dead silence after that.

He’d been hoping they would save these indecent questions for someone else, but apparently no one was immune. Takashi had been taking the brunt of their assault but was too inhibited to really care.

Eyes darting around, before settling in his lap, his internal temperature approached critical. He had dug his own grave by playing it safe. All he could hope for was they wouldn’t think he was some kind of loser, clearly, they all had some form of experience in… whatever you would call this, save Saya, who had somehow managed to evade the bottle and these inappropriate questions.

“Well, no.” He said sheepishly.

Even drunk, having their eyes on him made the boy want to escape. _Damnit._

Takashi, his savior, was the first to comment, patting him on the shoulder. “No big deal, dude! I betchu Saya hasn’t either!” He chuckled to himself.

“Hey!”

“Yeah Kohta, your secrets safe with us!” Rei gave him a thumbs up.

_Not that there’d be anyone you could blab to._

Though it didn’t do much to make him feel better, Saeko and Saya expressed agreement with Takashi as well. The pinkette glaring at him from behind jarred glasses.

With that nerve-wracking experience behind him, he grabbed the bottle and the game continued.

* * *

While it had seemed like a good idea at first, his biggest mistake so far was allowing the teens to drink more whiskey than they already had, but Takashi had been insistent. The questions had gone from a little strange to downright risqué and they all were hamming it up.

It had to be the most candid he’d ever seen them, including Saya. Rei was leaned back against one of the chairs, scratching the front of her nose, glaring at Saeko who had leaned against Takashi, the boy seeming none the wiser of how it affected Rei. Saya teeter-tottered back and forth between him and the lancer, mumbling to herself every few minutes, an odd smile playing on her lips.

If it weren’t for the booze, he wouldn’t be happier than right now. The others had been so open and honest. Though they could’ve been spared the sparring match between Saeko and Rei. They had asked Takashi who was the better kisser, and it got a little… out of hand. For a minute at least.

“K-o-o-hta, answer the question-n?”

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed the bottle was pointing at him.

With Rei behind the gun, he was in ultra-dangerous territory. The girl had been pressuring him to take a dare. Now, more than ever, he was determined to not allow this.

_Who knows what they’d ask of me!_

“Tru-“

“Wrong!!” She all but shouted, interrupting him.

Attempting to defend himself. “It’s my choice isn’t it?”

The girl pointed an accusatory finger, “We’ve all suffered some dumb dare already. Your turn.”

While they didn’t say anything, the others seemed to agree, even Takashi. “Don’t worry dude, it can’t be that bad.”

_Coming from the guy who was about to drop his trousers in front of us._

He exhaled.

“Okay, okay! Dare… I guess.”

So far, he hoped they would pass out drunk before forcing him into this. Guess it was better to peel off the bandage quickly, they probably wouldn’t remember it tomorrow morning anyway.

Rei pondered for a second, before grinning. “I dare you to… kiss Saya on the mouth!”

His heart, which had calmed down, despite this, jumped to a breakneck pace. The logical part of his brain tried calling out, telling him he wasn’t required to follow through.

Saya leaned forward, her focus back, glaring at the other girl. Though she didn’t say anything, leaving Kohta flabbergasted. It would be so easy for her to deflect this; it was just a game.

Yet she didn’t stop Rei.

_This has to be a dream, or nightmare maybe._

Takashi, disrupting Saeko, tilted forward. “Hey now, hey. Those kinds of questions ain’t good, Rei, you know that.”

He was still trying to be the leader, Kohta was certain, but the drunken blinking and slurred speech didn’t exactly sell his words.

“It’s a valid dare, what’s the big deal?” Rei argued.

“But that’s uncool and you knows it. He’s clearly not oh-okay with it.”

Saeko raised her hands lazily between them, “It’s Kohta’s choice, he isn’t required to do it. Simmer down.”

Rei pouted, “Yeah, he can back out… if he’s a coward!”

What was driving her to be so persistent about this? Hirano spared a quick glance at Takagi to gauge her reaction, hoping that somehow, she’d give him a helping hand.

Her eyes were locked on him. Hot amber orbs boring into his very soul. Steam began to rise from the back of his neck.

_It’s getting really hot in here…_

Adjusting his collar, he shifted, turning more towards her. Was she leaning towards him? Perhaps another trick from his teenage mind. Every fiber of his being was on high-alert, the world around him becoming louder, oppressive even.

Had she been this close before? The girl now on all fours.

He found himself falling into her, his instincts telling him to give in. This is what he wanted, wasn’t it? He couldn’t break her gaze; her breathing had become hot, heavy.

Insects buzzed in his head. Endless noise drowning out rational thought.

Only inches apart now, he could smell her, it tickled his nose. The haze growing thicker, he found himself lost. The other three watched in silence.

_This is wrong._

_Don’t take advantage of her._

He jumped back, breaking his trance, the fog cleared. “I can’t!”

Saya blinked.

“Why not!” Rei immediately chirped.

He felt ashamed, his entire nervous system burned. “It’s not right.”

She snorted, pointing at Saya. “She was clearly okay with it.”

Sparing a look, he could see the hurt buried in those half-lidded eyes. It terrified him, he prayed he didn’t hurt her. She’d scooched away, but only just, her scent still within a tantalizing distance.

“It isn’t that.” He continued.

Kohta wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

“I have to get it right.” Clenching his fists and setting his jaw, he spoke with finality.

For his first kiss, he didn’t want to know it took alcohol and some stupid game for it to happen. Especially with a girl as great as Saya. As silly as it seemed.

_Hopefully she’ll forgive me._

There was a subtle shift in her eyes, but he couldn’t pick up what it was. It was better from before, a slight gleam, carefully held neutrality. Even inhibited, she could still baffle him. Whatever it was, it was a step for him.

“Suite yourself, was just tryin’ to help you.” Rei waved at him to sit back down.

Takashi raised his hand, “Let’s agree right now. No more dares like that, okay?” He hiccupped. It was evident he directed this primarily at Miyamoto.

She pouted but agreed.

* * *

They continued to play into the wee hours of the morning, one by one dropping off, sleeping where they lie, until Kohta was the only one left. The storm hadn’t stopped it’s raging.

He sat crisscrossed, tapping his knee, deep in thought.

After the dare, she wouldn’t stop staring. Saya hadn’t even tried to hide it, burning a hole through the side of his skull. She teased him, phantom touches on his leg, brushing him with hers. Her effect on him… he knew it was bad, but not _this_ bad.

While he was stubborn, for the most part, he wasn’t a fool, especially when it came to his friends.

She had been hitting on him. People often said that alcohol loosened the tongue, he agreed, but for her to be so… direct about it…

 _Maybe she’s unsure of her feelings._ It was a plausible explanation. Though he wanted to just accept that she had feelings for him, fear gripped at his heart. Everyone would likely wake up a few hours now, hungover of course, and not remember a thing.

Or so he hoped.

He grabbed some spare blankets from a closet, covering each of them. Saeko and Takashi had cuddled together, leaning on one another against the couch behind them.

Looking over at the ginger, pity welled up inside him. _Wonder how Rei felt about all of this…_

He felt sorry for her, she was straightforward with her feelings about Takashi, the signs all there. Though they had opened up about it some, their shared history seemed to be a problem. Any mention of the boy named Hisashi made their leader tense, veiling their past in mystery. Whatever happened created a rift between them.

And, from all he could see, she was losing ground. Fast. Saeko’s advances had become more pronounced since they left the stronghold.

_None of my business. None of my business._

What puzzled him, though, was Rei’s insistence on him kissing Saya.

Her words repeated back, _“Just tryin’ to help you.”_

He’d find his own path to Saya’s heart, if it was there. He appreciated her gesture, but it was too much.

Exhaustion was about to claim him, he was too tired and not mentally capable enough to answer any more internal questions.

Creeping up the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone, he looked at his friends, all of whom were sleeping soundly. It was a strange night, he would admit, but he consciously decided that it was fun.

And that’s what mattered most.

* * *


	3. Feelings

* * *

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

Kohta plucked the ball out of the air, bouncing it against the opposite wall of his bedroom. He hadn’t gotten much rest to speak of. His mind trying to stay above water. Between his desire to settle, the new feelings about Saya, and perpetual nightmares, his brain was on overtime.

Eventually he gave up trying to sleep, there were so many things to consider, analyze, understand. Had he a mirror, he would’ve seen how tired he was. In the crooks of his heart, during those silent hours, guilt began to chip away at him.

Why had he been able to survive?

So many people had perished since Z-Day, even if they were strangers, but also friends… lovers. Asami’s death becoming fresh again.

How could he appreciate all this frivolous nonsense, when…?

Shaking his head, he looked at his notebook, still tossing the ball. After they had all passed out, he began drawing, planning, mostly to try and keep his mind occupied from their game of Truth or Dare.

It felt like he was hiding.

There were scribbles about potential food sources, fortification plans, contingencies. He’d even thought up a way for them to get electricity, difficult as it would be to implement.

The more he reviewed his work, though, the more it became a pipedream, something to just occupy his thoughts. It was all well and good, but the most important factor was something beyond his control.

_No one would be on board with this plan in the first place._

Saya would likely be the only one understanding where he came from, perhaps even Takashi, since they’d talked briefly about it. The others could too, but they wouldn’t agree with his sentiments. Of this, he was one hundred percent certain.

The gunner tossed the ball again.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

He paused, the ball falling beside him.

_Maybe some fresh air could clear things up._

Grabbing his handgun and holster, he stepped outside on his balcony. The cool air caught in his lungs, helping to perk him up. It wasn’t sunny, per say, clouds lazily moved towards the west, bringing spots of shade every few minutes. Because of the storm, the air was still heavy.

After breakfast, everyone had been checking the grounds, making sure no holes appeared. Four of them coped with their hangovers with varying degrees of tact, Takashi and Rei being the worst. Saya hadn’t seemed phased, but spoke less, treating him no differently than she would normally.

His hunch, it seemed, was correct, they didn’t remember the events that morning. They did comment on his lack of rest, though.

* * *

“You need your sleep, Kohta.” Shizuka chided him.

Takashi, grabbing at his forehead, agreed. “Can’t have you passing out on us.”

He chuckled, trying to play it off. “Yeah, someone has to do the work around here.”

The others didn’t laugh, still groggy. Their nurse was smart enough to know what they’d gotten into, but chose to not scold them, likely understanding in a way. If anything, the only person she was concerned about, was him.

“I’m serious.” She pressured.

Kohta waved, a little frustrated. “I’m telling you, I’m fine.”

She huffed.

* * *

After they’d been sufficiently sobered up, and the mansion had been checked, Takashi and Saeko decided to go on a supply run to the nearest town. No one stopped them, it was necessary, but he knew they were likely just wanting some time alone together.

Heading downstairs, he waved at Shizuka and Alice, who were playing a game, before going out the door. That same look she’d given him from earlier still stood. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he roamed the garden for a bit.

Rei had decided to lay back down, she had the most to drink, and Saya was nowhere to be seen, likely taking advantage of the break in the weather to use the telescope and do some reading.

Everything was fairly overgrown, but green and rich. The grass was still soft, even with the early onset of winter, damp to the touch. It had been warmer that morning and something made Kohta take his boots and socks off, choosing to walk barefoot.

While it was cool and tickled his feet, he felt grounded, the constant noise in his head letting up.

_It was so much simpler when I was just popping heads with my rifle all day._

Lingering thoughts of the mall and Asami tried to trickle their way in, but he shut the valve. Breaking into a jog, he busied himself, knowing it would keep those feelings at bay. He would have time to regret and remanence later.

Something he couldn’t blot out, were his musings on Saya, and the discoveries from the previous night. There were days he was unsure what his feelings for her even were. Before, he believed they were romantic, undoubtably. Now it had gotten muddy.

Since the incident at the mall, he had grown steadily more possessive of the group’s safety, they were like family after all. But, for Saya, this was amplified, even when he tried to keep a check on it. If they were breaching buildings, he was the first to enter and remained by her side no matter what.

Takashi must’ve understood this and seemed to tailor their strategies to suit it.

Before Z-Day he hadn’t ever taken exercise seriously, to a degree he still didn’t, yet he realized it could help him protect others. He had made an effort to lose weight and have better endurance, trying to dampen his weaknesses and taking opportunities to enhance his strength.

Patting his stomach subconsciously, his heartrate heightened. Though he wasn’t as trimmed as Takashi had become, he had done a good job by his standards. There were moments when he would squeeze his biceps, feeling the new tension that lie beneath his skin.

He was immensely proud of this but tried to not let it show.

Having made a lap, he stopped for a minute, taking a deep breath. Even with the lack of sleep, he felt a little more rejuvenated. His head had cleared up somewhat.

Pulling a wipe out from his chest pocket, he wiped off any traces of mud and water from his feet. Now was good a time as ever to patrol the grounds, so he reclaimed his footwear and set off.

Throughout all this, he never noticed Saya watching him from the third floor.

* * *

It had been an hour or so, by his account, which was enough. Kohta took a seat on one of the many benches scattered on the property. The one he chose faced south, helpful enough since that’s the direction Saeko and Takashi had gone. He had scoped a few of Them earlier that morning, but the pair weren’t concerned about run ins.

It was a smaller town they’d passed through on their way to the mansion. Though a relatively short distance away, it would still take some time to get there or back in the event of an emergency.

Something Kohta was keenly aware of, not that he didn’t trust them.

He grabbed his binoculars and looked down the road. Spotting them rather quickly, thanks to the swordswoman signature hair color, he noticed they were returning. The pairs arms were laced together, each holding a few bags.

_Like they are wrapping up a date._

There was a small bug in his head that registered some spite.

His thoughts went to Rei. Their competition to gain Takashi’s attention and affection had been ongoing ever since the group was founded. It put all of them in a tricky situation a few times, but they’d managed to pull through of course.

Recently, Rei’s resolve seemed to be crumbling. Judging by her reactions the previous night to how they treated each other, she was aware of her position.

The odds were against her.

He couldn’t help but let a sigh escape. _This could spell trouble._

“Something wrong?”

Saya plopped down beside him, scaring the living daylights out of the gunner.

He grabbed at his chest, choosing to feed the drama. “Were you trying to give me a heart attack?” Though he tried to laugh, it came out a bit like a wheeze.

She snorted, taking the binoculars from him, “Don’t be such a baby. I just saw you making laps and wondered what the fuss was about.” The pinkette began scanned the horizon.

“What can I say, I like to get some cardio in when I can.”

She didn’t respond, continuing to search. Her breathing hitched when she finally spotted them. _Why’d she react like that?_ Saya was far more perceptive than he, so it shouldn’t be that crazy to see the pair openly affectionate with one another.

“So, that’s what it was.”

Like so many times before, it was difficult to get a read on what she was feeling or thinking for that matter. Their adventurous duo was closer now, it wouldn’t be long before they were spotted snooping. That is, if Saeko and Takashi took enough time to notice.

He stretched, putting his hands behind his head, allowing his spine a satisfying pop. “Yeah, seems they’re pretty close now.”

It was nice to have Saya beside him, this normally wouldn’t bother Kohta, but after last night, he could feel the bench shrinking, their proximity to one another taking most of his attention. He still pondered if she remembered how close they were to…

“Say-“

“So, I guess he made his choice.” She quipped, placing the binoculars beside her, away from him. “About time, I suppose.”

With his mind being elsewhere, his focus shattered. “What?” Remembering what they were talking about. “Oh, yeah, it would seem that way. Not that it’s any of my business.”

Saya hummed, tapping her knee. “I had bet it would be her.”

“What made you think that?” His curiosity trumped any frustration, Takashi hadn’t openly confessed to Saeko, it was one thing for them to flirt and be touchy, but to actually be romantically involved was a different story.

She blinked, leaning back to look up at the sky. “Her strength seemed to complement his. It’s easy to see, especially now.”

It was true, they drew out each other’s innate capabilities. He gave an affirmative grunt, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course, I am.” She smiled at him, smug.

In this moment, he didn’t much care about Takashi’s and Saeko’s dilemma. Saya always had a reason for conversing, any other time she spent learning or analyzing. She was never one to talk about fresh drama or other people’s love life.

There was something in her eyes, when she looked at them. Longing perhaps? Maybe even regret, or disappointment. But why?

 _That Takashi didn’t choose her?_ The traitorous thought blipped in his brain. His mouth ran away from him, the words slipping through.

“I thought he would pick you, sometimes.”

He wasn’t sure if it was more of a mumble or a snap, either way it was laced with bitterness. _Why did I say that?_ There was a jealous demon running amok with his emotions, he needed to get a handle on them.

The statement had gotten her attention.

“What?” One simple word… and it sounded like a loaded gun.

It had taken forever for him to become somewhat close to her and he just stepped into a minefield. There was always a feeling, he stupidly had, that she wanted to be with Takashi. She trusted him with everything, sure they were childhood friends, but it was hard for him to not see more than what might be there.

He scratched the back of his head, treading lightly. “Well, you know, you guys were friends for the longest, right? Seeing how much you… relied on him for insight, I figured…” His thought teetered off, not knowing where to go.

She looked away, her posture stiffening. “I guess there was that chance, yes.”

Kohta cursed himself for his idiocy, an awkwardness now sat between them on that small bench.

“He always had eyes for Rei and by the time he found Saeko… I don’t think I was even in the running.” Takagi admitted, sadness laced in her words.

The jealous demon wanting nothing more than to lash out, his lack of sleep weakening his resolve, but he shunted it down. She was opening up to him, he believed. It was unbecoming to be selfish.

Ensuring a neutral tone, “Did you want to be?”

Looking down, he noticed his clenched fists, their knuckles pale white.

If there was a way for someone to tell him a year ago, he’d be having a conversation like this with Takagi Saya of all people, he would’ve outright laughed in their face.

She pulled her legs up, their surface flawless and soft, his mind derailed, remembering what they felt like when they brushed him. They were pressed into her breasts, yet she still faced away from him.

“I don’t know.”

To have expected her to say no would’ve been foolish, though he wished Saya had, a selfish part of him refusing to be ignored. These feelings weren’t exactly new either, he knew she wasn’t trying to hurt him, but it stung all the same. It had been difficult for him to cope with the idea that Takashi was everything he wasn’t.

Competent, when he wanted to be, tall, handsome, brave and strong, everything Kohta believed he lacked. It was why the girls in their group gravitated towards him, even Shizuka had flirted a time or two with their leader, not that she was given any reciprocated attention.

It never had sparked a fight, he had better control over his emotions than that, though his outburst on the minibus against Shido would suggest otherwise. Takashi couldn’t help it, it’s how the boy was, and he wouldn’t blame him.

It was his fault that he wasn’t more attractive.

The tension in the air was potent and dense, a part of him assumed Saya would stand and leave, returning to the mansion. It wouldn’t be the first time such as that would happen.

Instead, she continued, pulling him along.

“What are your thoughts on having a lover, Kohta?”

The way she said his name… it stirred the deepest parts of his heart. Although like an angel’s voice, it was a torrent of different emotions. Confusion, regret, desire? It was almost too much for his teenage sensibilities to understand.

He choked out, “How do you mean?” Hoping she would continue.

She gazed at the ground, her twin-tails shrouding her beautiful face from his view. “You know, falling in love and everything, idiot.”

Her jab made him relax, silly as it was, she didn’t mean it.

“With Them around, do you think having a lover is wise?” She repeated.

Discomfort had been boiling up from his toes, this straightforward question offered no loopholes and no easy answers, which was like icing on a stress cake.

Continuing, “There are so many risks, you know? I saw people willingly chose to die rather than live alone.” She breathed. “What must that feel like? To be so dependent… so attached to a person that you can’t go on?”

Saya paused, clearly giving an opportunity to speak.

“I see what you’re saying, but I don’t think it’s dependence, Saya.” He began.

For the first time since their talk had taken this turn, she looked at him. It whittled at his resolve, but he pressed on.

“Love is an extremely powerful emotion. We’ve seen it, even before Z-Day. Human history, part of it at least, was written with blood in the name of love. People are willing to kill… or be killed for the sake of those they love.”

He paused, “There’s a strength in that, some kind of hope.”

Though his thoughts were expressed clearly, his heart was thundering in his chest, feeling his pulse in his neck.

“Even since this started, I think it’s more important now to still love. It gives us something to fight for.”

As he finished, Saya just looked at him. If she could know that her eye contact was like electricity in his veins…

“You really believe that?”

“I do. There’s a risk of becoming intimate, childbirth wouldn’t be easy, but Takashi and Saeko have people to support them, family.”

“Family?”

His voice had grown dry, “People who’ll support you through thick and thin.”

She played with a strand of her hair, “I see.”

Trying to calm himself, he took a deep breath. “Think about it this way. If we choose to cut off those emotions, then are we any better than Them? Just driven by primal instincts to survive?”

Saya shook her head, her gaze piercing him.

Balling his fists, “We wouldn’t get to experience those moments of joy, all because we feared loss or heartache.”

He snorted, “Not like I’m one to talk, though.”

“Did you feel that way about Asami?”

A slap in the face would’ve done more damage. The results were immediate, his stomach began to churn, a sickness overtaking him. Images of his nightmares fresh in his mind.

“Don’t.” Was all he could respond with. His world was spinning. It took all his strength for the word to not come out more acidic than it did.

He behavior shifted due to his hostility.

_Wrong move._

“What?”

He could feel his jaw lock. “I thought we were talking about Takashi and Saeko.”

She huffed, “We were.” The girl spoke shortly, deliberate, with a small dash of anger.

Preparing a retort, she stopped him. “It was a simple question. Did you feel that way about Asami?”

Keeping his eyes locked on his hands, cold sweat forming on his fingers, he could feel her staring at him.

“I don’t know.” It had all been so quick when they’d been there. He almost felt guilty, remembering the plucky policewoman.

“Isn’t that just the easy way out?” She prodded.

For the first time ever, he could feel anger about to bubble out. His personal matters had never been much for discussion amongst the group and he wanted to keep it that way. Some days it hurt, but a lot better than being interrogated. The way she phrased her attack grated on him like sandpaper.

He grunted, “Whatever.”

Kohta couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this uncooperative, especially to Saya. _Why am I being so defensive?_ He had feelings for her and biting her head off wouldn’t do him any favors. The lack of sleep was surely catching up to him now, feeling more irritable, and the visions of the dead plagued him.

“I’m just trying to understand, Kohta. There’s no need to be an ass!” Takagi had hopped up from the bench, clearly on the offensive.

He rose to meet her, teeth grated. “Easy for you to say!”

It was the first time he ever yelled at Saya, clearly catching her off guard as well.

She glared, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Memories of his lessons over in America replayed, during his training course. Often times people, in his stress situations, particularly when survival was on the line, would have a flight-or-fight response. It was crucial to have control over this response, with firearms in play, one mistake could change a person’s life forever.

But, in this moment, he was about to lose control.

“Every damn day all you women seem to care about is Takashi! From the start of this whole operation, I was always the mule, don’t think I didn’t see it!”

 _It hurts._ He wasn’t sure what was happening, everything was blurred. There was a stinging in the corner of his eye, tears threatening to escape.

He could see it, back when he was a nobody.

Worthless Hirano Kohta, the fat, gun-loving otaku.

“I’ve been nothing but a glorified gunslinger! None of you give a damn about me! Every day I try to make sure we’re secured and safe, making sure They couldn’t touch us! Did any of you notice that? Of course not! You were too busy giving Takashi all the credit, because everyone was so hot for him!”

For the past year, he kept any resentment, frustration, anger, and negativity carefully managed and contained.

 _Am I going to black out?_ His breathing had become ragged, short. Panic shot through him, urging him to run.

He couldn’t take this anymore.

So, he ran.

Turning sharply on his heels, he barreled off through the nearby bushes into the wooded area of the estate. Cursing himself all the while.

He wanted the guilt, the pain, buried as deep as he could get it. He wanted things to be normal.

Faintly, he heard Saya call out from behind him, but he didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop.

It didn’t matter anyway.

* * *

_He’s gone._

She’d never seen the boy like this before, even when they were at Death’s door. The look in his eyes. Feverish, overwhelmed, like a rabid animal.

Her plan was to push him.

_But not this far…_

* * *

_\- Earlier -_

“Someone has to talk with Kohta.”

Shizuka, earlier that morning, while Hirano was in his room, had brought them together. It was rare for the nurse to have any sense of urgency or demands, so they were keen to listen.

Takashi seemed puzzled, “What’s wrong?”

She looked at each of them, clearly exasperated. “Have you not been able to tell?”

“He’s a little uptight, but that’s fairly normal for Kohta. Right?” Their leader shrugged.

“For short periods, yes, but this is different. I’m angry I didn’t see it sooner.”

Saya leaned over one of the countertops, “See what?”

“He’s been distant, eating far less than he used to, and spends far too much time alone for his own good.”

Rei tapped her fingers on the wood, “He mentioned wanting to lose weight. Maybe you’re just overreacting, Shizuka-sensei.”

She glared at her, surprising all those present. “I am not overreacting. This isn’t the first time that he’s shown these signs. When he… killed Asami, do you all not remember?”

That sobered them up. He had almost left them, having given up completely, falling into a state of delirium, wanting to kill all of Them he could find. Choosing death above the group. The efforts of the nurse had brought him back, but without Hirano, they would’ve been dead dozens of times over.

“So, what do we do?” Saya adjusted her glasses. She was most invested, outside of Shizuka.

“Someone needs to figure out what’s wrong, by talking with him like I said. He’s keeping his emotions close to the chest, so it’ll be difficult. We need him to be open to being helped.”

Takashi nodded, “I’ll do it.” It seemed obvious enough, since he was the leader.

“No, I will.” Saya countered.

Saeko seemed conflicted, “I don’t think that’s the best course of action, Saya.”

Putting her foot down. “And why is that?”

Rei snorted, “Because, the guy has a huge thing for you. Imagine what that would feel like.” She spared a glance at Takashi.

She could feel her cheeks warm but didn’t allow it to stop her. “Have you got a better idea?”

“Yeah, let Takashi handle it. He’s capable enough.” Rei stated simply, Saeko agreeing.

Shizuka raised her hand, halting their argument. “I think Saya should be the one to talk with him.”

Usually, their medic would remain neutral with any decisions of the group, only offering suggestions, allowing them their independence, unlike many of the other adults.

The fact she chose Saya…

“Think you can handle it?” Takashi looked at her, serious.

She nodded, “Of course.”

“Then it’s settled. Meeting adjourned. Good luck.”

* * *

_Clearly, I overestimated myself…_

She had wandered after Kohta, unsure where he could’ve gone. The rifleman had become far quicker than her, more agile too, more than he’d ever give himself credit for.

There were signs, the wet grass and damaged bushes leaving a hint of a trail, but she was no tracker. He could’ve hidden himself anywhere on the estate, in the past he proved to be masterful at stealth, another surprising trait.

_And Shizuka-sensei trusted me to take care of this._

Letting down the others, she could deal with, but the nurse put her undying trust into each of them. The thought of disappointing her worried Saya, more than she’d care to admit. But the way she had hurt Kohta dwarfed this a thousand times over.

He had always been an open book with her, for the most part. Likely from his feelings for her. It was supposed to be a simple matter, easy enough for the genius to accomplish. If she opened him up, Shizuka could take care of the rest… probably.

Instead, she allowed her emotions to play into the equation.

 _Asami…_ She held nothing against the woman, far from it, having died doing what she believed was right. Even in the jaw of the undead, she showed no fear.

It reminded Saya of her own inadequacies, loathed as she was to admit it.

Her knowledge and wit were her strengths, both a scalpel and sword, but outside of that, her role in the group was limited. She had fulfilled a limited combat role, Kohta teaching her the basics with the MP5. Having neglected her lessons, she was relegated back to support, being shielded, like Shizuka and Alice.

And now she had led them on a wild goose chase for the past six months, looking for a trail that didn’t exist in labs that could’ve claimed their lives. They weren’t a step closer to understanding how this all happened.

She was fine with not being the most useful, this world rewarded violence, and her experience was limited. Kohta had always been her staunch defender, never leaving her side. Regardless of that, he was her sounding board, listening to any and all ridiculous theories and ideas.

When she saw Asami luring Kohta away from her, the thought that he’d choose the policewoman over her.

She had become jealous and because of that, when he needed her help, she drove him into a corner, just because she wanted to know what Asami meant to him. It was a bitter feeling and she felt ashamed by her weakness.

_“None of you give a damn about me!”_

Was that how he really felt?

He said they only cared about Takashi, but was he wrong? Rei and Saeko were obvious in their pursuit, but for Kohta to have the idea she was right there beside them… Did she have feelings for him?

She ran her hand down a tree trunk, the texture coarse and wet. Her mind was always working, like a machine, trying to analyze and understand all the angles, whatever subject it might be.

There were days, when she was a child, that she imagined her and Takashi together. Her mother had even hinted, in passing, that it could happen. She held out hope to be chosen, but his affection for Rei started early and only grew, leaving her behind. As a child, she was never the most outspoken, or direct for that matter.

But things were different now. Were those feelings still there?

In recent days, she had dreams of a family, sitting atop a hill, the rotting undead a distant memory. The figure beside her had always been shrouded, a blur, but he made her feel secure.

When she thought about who that could be, more often than not, and she would never tell a soul, it was Kohta. Standing strong beside her, watching their children play.

_No._

To answer her question. _I don’t have feelings for him anymore._

Which brought her back to why Kohta believed nobody cared about him. It was difficult to pinpoint a time when they came to the boy’s aid, like he would support them. Outside of the run in they had with her father’s men, she was drawing blanks.

 _No wonder._ The realization hit like a truck, pricking at her conscious. All this time they relied on Kohta to protect them, a pillar in their group, but didn’t support him in turn. They had found their families, but his was still out there, overseas, though he never said a word.

 _Brilliant._ How long had it been eating away at him?

There was a clearing in the trees, the evening sun filtering through the leaves. She looked for signs of the gunner, to no avail. In his emotional state, she was unsure if he’d return to the mansion before dark. A danger in itself.

_Where did you go?_

She hadn’t even figured out what was bothering him so much.

_Some friend I am._

“Kohta!”

No response.

_Damnit. I’m going to need help._

* * *

Intercepting Takashi and Saeko, before they made it to the mansion, she brought them up to speed, minus a few details. It would take a team effort, if they could even find him, and she didn’t want to concern the others.

Leaving their gathered supplies on the bench they’d been using; the pair followed her back into the woods. The sun had already closed in on the horizon, casting the valley in an orange glow.

“I thought you said you could handle this?” Takashi was borderline furious.

She snapped, “I thought I could!”

“Then what they hell happened?” He glared.

Tripping on a root, she bit her tongue, the taste of blood soon following. “Nothing!”

“Sure, yeah, because Kohta running off counts as nothing.” The boy snarked.

“Just help me find him, idiot!” She tried to hide tears that threatened to run.

Saeko placed a hand on Takashi’s shoulder, “All that matters right now is finding Kohta. Everything else can be handled another time.”

He cursed, “I know that. If we can’t find him before dark, we’ll need to head back.”

The swordswoman scanned the trees around them, looking for some clue they missed, while Takashi and Saya pressed on.

If Hirano didn’t want to be found, they’d be hard pressed to compete their objective.

* * *

He gasped for air, his lungs burning, having never ran so hard in his life. All that mattered was getting distance. Somehow, he managed to climb a tree, sitting on a thick branch. Trying to gather his thoughts, he wasn’t able to hold back his tears anymore.

The boy couldn’t remember the last time he cried that hard.

“I killed her.”

After leaving Saya, all he could think about was how he failed. How he failed Asami and many others. He killed the only person who believed him worthy.

_I killed her. I killed her. I killed her._

The thought replayed, again and again, while his tears stained the bark below. His face contorted; the pain impossible to hide. He didn’t want the others to see him like this. He didn’t want to be weak.

_“None of you give a damn about me!”_

He believed he was worthless to them, just another cog, but he kept it buried deep in his heart. The venom in his words made him sick, Saya didn’t deserve it. He knew it was selfish, how could he not feel this way? They never showed him special consideration, except Alice, but she treated them all equally. Since the beginning, Saya dragged him along because it was convenient.

To the others he was an asset, nothing more.

Leaning against the trunk, he tried steading himself, attempting to put a lid back on the steaming top. Tears still leaking away.

He just wanted to be accepted. Be a part of something.

His parents were likely dead. Even if they weren’t, they’d never be able to reach them.

He had no family. No one to return to.

_What does it matter._

Having let the poison out, for the most part, he was disgusted, pitying himself like this. Shizuka had gone out of her way to break him out of this funk before, yet here he was, in a dark, emotional soup.

He felt tired. Worn out. Dried up.

His head tilted back, touching the wood, eyes drooping from exhaustion. The fear of nightmares trying to force him to stay awake.

But he couldn’t think anymore.

He was at his limit

_Maybe… I’ll just take a nap here. It won’t be very long._

* * *

_“Asami wants to stay with you, Kohta.”_

He was back on the shopping center roof, the policewoman’s arms wrapped around his neck. Even with the dead at their doorstep and little idea of what came next, he felt at peace, excited even.

The ground began to shift around his feet, Asami disappearing, leaving a cold darkness in place. His friends were gone, even Zeke, he couldn’t tell where he was. Sounds of gunfire reached his ears, flashes of Them ripping her to pieces bringing him to his knees.

_“I did what I had to.”_

He tried to blot out the noise using his hands, but it continued to crack, closer and closer.

_“Kohta killed Asami.”_

Stomach lurching, his gaze rose to meet her. It was Asami, just barely. Her flesh had rotted, eyes dead like Them, blood trickling from her mouth.

_“Asami loved Kohta, but you killed her.”_

_“Stop it!”_ He screamed.

It was true, though he wishes it wasn’t

He chose to pull the trigger.

He chose to fulfill her request.

Asami wasn’t to blame, he was, for letting her go out there.

_“Stay with Asami, Kohta…”_

The putrid doppelganger towered over him, whispering her offer in his ear, over and over.

_“We’ll be together. Forever.”_

_“Leave me alone!”_

Continuing to resist, he ran, as far as his feet would carry him, but the ground turned to sludge, black and vicious, threatening to swallow him whole. They appeared out of the black, flanking the turned Asami.

_“You killed us.”_

Their forms shifted, skin crawling, until a human mob replaced Them. There were faces he could recognize amongst the masses, children from the school that he put to rest.

_“You’re a murderer.”_

_“That’s not true!”_

He did what he had to, in order to protect others. His friends.

_“But they don’t care, do they?”_

Another boy stood in front of him, chubby, short, his eyes dead to the world.

It was him.

_“They only care about themselves.”_

Asami appeared beside him.

_“Four-eyed pig.”_

Then Saya.

_“Your just dead weight.”_

Even the bullies who made fun of him, berated him at school.

_“Useless otaku.”_

Other murmurings started as a whisper, building into a roar. The mob surrounded him, growing taller, reaching for the abyss above them.

_“Who could love a no good, worthless gun geek. Give it up.”_

Trying to silence them was impossible, he couldn’t run either. There was no-one to turn to for help.

_“Just leave me alone.”_

He wept, bent down to the ground. He could see the kids from middle school bullying him. People from high school scorning him. The adults from the manor… everyone that didn’t believe in him.

It was a whirlpool of his failings, shortcomings, guilt, pain, and loneliness.

Desperately, he screwed his eyes shut and blocked his ears, weathering out their derision and hate.

 _“_ _Kohta, wake up._ _”_

The voice was close, but he couldn’t see them.

_“Nobody blames you, Kohta.”_

The mob began to dissipate, their voices becoming distant, muffled.

 _“_ _Don’t shoulder this pain alone_ _.”_

It sounded like Takashi, or was it Saya, it shifted, flowed, an amalgamation of his friend’s voices.

_“You need to wake up.”_

The weight on his back fell away, he could stand. There was a light in the distance.

_“Your family is there for you.”_

He took one lenient step, walking towards the pinpoint.

_“Together, you can overcome anything. Be with them, Kohta, they need you.”_

Asami appeared, bathed in an ethereal glow.

_“Don’t regret, Kohta. Asami will always be there!”_

She smiled, radiant and warm.

His legs were weak, he collapsed in front of her.

_“How can I go on. You were the only one who believed in me.”_

Touching his face, the glow washed over him.

_“Because Asami knows Kohta has people who care about him. They’d be sad if Kohta was gone.”_

He could see them, their smiling faces, and basked in their love.

_“Now, do Asami proud!”_

The future would be tough, he already knew that, but somehow, he felt more ready for it. More than he had been in a long time.

He just needed to take another step.

* * *

It was already dark when he started on the tree branch. The cold, damp air cut through his thin clothing, chilling the boy to the bone. A shiver ran up his spine.

To be caught out at night was a problem enough as it was, in the woods was even worse. Though they checked the grounds thoroughly, the dynamic could change, They had a way of squeezing through the smallest crack.

Looking to the ground and surrounding trees, he made sure the coast was clear. There weren’t any of Them wandering around, to his relief, it was impossible to shake the fear that They could be anywhere. Call it a survival tactic.

Hopping down from his perch, readying his sidearm, an FN FNX. They’d found it on their various adventures, it was chambered with .45 ACP ammunition, which could cut through just about anything he’d be dealing with. It was large, with a fifteen-round magazine.

But it couldn’t substitute for his friends, his skills in close range combat still lacking, an obvious weak point.

 _Just need to get back to the mansion._ And hope the others wouldn’t skewer him.

He hoped they hadn’t come after him, but doubted that was the case, feeling like a fool. Not only had he put himself at risk, but the group as well.

Setting a quick pace, retracing his steps, he made it back out to the garden where he originally ran off, surprised that he was able to. Kohta could faintly see the lights coming from the living room, which meant that at least some of them were still inside.

Standing at the door, he gathered his thoughts, knowing one hellava verbal lashing waited on the other side. It was inevitable, from Saya and whoever else wanted to take a shot, he had been an idiot.

Taking the leap, he opened the door, heavy wood creaking in response.

He wasn’t afforded a chance to do anything before Alice slammed into him with a fierce hug.

“Kohta!”

They’d reacted quickly, likely seeing him through an upstairs window. The group was anything but unaware of their surroundings.

Patting her head, he subtly urged her to release him. “Hey, munchkin.”

“Where have you been!”

Saya was stomping towards him, on a warpath, his adrenaline spiked. He expected her to strike him, it would’ve been within her right, Alice must’ve too, because she stepped to the side. Instead, the girl mirrored her actions, wrapping him up and crushing his windpipe with the pressure.

“You idiot!” She cried. Tears were already drenching his shoulder.

_Not exactly what I anticipated._

The others stood at a moderate distance; Takashi likely advised them. Even without speaking, it seemed he understood, just giving a subtle nod before returning to the other room. Saeko and Rei followed.

Shizuka then took the opportunity to approach, embracing both of them. In any other circumstance, being this close to two beautiful women, he’d be red from stem to stern, but he knew his actions deserved harsher treatment.

“Why?” He managed to get out.

“We were worried sick when they came back, saying you had run.” The nurse cried.

He felt horrible. “I’m sorry.”

They released him, Saya flicking him on the nose.

“Ow!”

She sniffled, “What are you apologizing for, I’m the one who should be sorry!”

He looked away, rubbing the spot. “I should’ve handled that better. I let my emotions get the best of me.”

“We want you to be honest with your emotions, idiot!”

“What?”

She wiped at her eyes, “Shizuka-sensei noticed you’d been acting strange, distant. We thought she was crazy at first. We decided that someone should try and talk with you, and I volunteered.”

He tried opening his mouth…

“Let me finish!”

He obeyed.

“I wanted to help you; I felt the most capable of it. Instead, I drove you away.” Kohta could see the guilt in her eyes, they were red and puffy, she’d been crying for a while.

It ate away at him.

“I let my feelings get the best of me. Whatever you had with Asami was special, I know that.”

“So, I’m sorry, Kohta.”

Out of everything that could have happened when he opened that door, receiving such a sincere apology from Saya was at the bottom of the list. He choked up.

He reached out, hugging the two women. “Thank you, so much, but you have nothing to apologize for. I should be more honest with you all.”

“Saya said you thought none of us cared about you, I failed as your friend and nurse. It never should’ve happened.” Shizuka cried.

“I didn’t mean it… I was just wrapped up in the moment. I regret I said it. I’ve just been having these nightmares, the dead coming back to haunt me.”

“I hadn’t gotten over Asami. I wasn’t able to forgive myself.”

He released them, “But… I think I can accept what happened now, mostly.”

Saya inhaled, shuddering. “You need to talk with us, that’s why we’re here. I can’t help you if you won’t.”

“I will.”

“Do you still have feelings for her, Kohta?” Shizuka seemed concerned.

He smiled, “No, but she’s still here.” He patted his chest. “I just didn’t realize what I had now.” Saya exchanged a meaningful look with him.

“You’ve all grown so much. I couldn’t be prouder.” The nurse dabbed at her tears with a sleeve.

Kohta chuckled, “We have you to thank, for getting us this far.”

She giggled, “Now. Dinner might be a little cold, but Saeko and Takashi managed well enough getting what we needed. Let’s get back to the others.”

Saya’s hand brushed his, tempting him. He locked his pinky with hers, a bright smile gracing him.

Shizuka ushered the pair along, back to the warm light of the fire.

And his family.

* * *


	4. Revelation

* * *

As he chewed through his dinner, he could feel everyone’s eyes on him. Shizuka had been right, it was lukewarm at best, but he’d never had a better meal. Perhaps it was because of his revelation over the past, though the why didn’t concern the gunner.

It was a simple affair, beef jerky, some canned fruit, and dried out crackers. Which, for them, was more variety than they were used to. After the two rounds of heavy cardio that day, his body gladly accepted whatever he could get.

The others were speaking amongst themselves now, to his relief, as being watched never made him comfortable. Takashi, from what he could tell, was completely lost in Saeko, making him glance at Rei to see her reaction.

Strangely enough, she was staring at him, her expression hard to read. Realizing she was caught, the girl busied herself. It wasn’t exactly new, as Rei could space out with the best of them, not that she’d admit to it, but he could tell something was off.

His ears perked up to Takashi’s conversation, who had brought more into the fold. “There’s plenty we could scavenge from the town; we’d barely scratched the surface.”

“Really?” Saya chirped from his side on the couch, her hand just barely touching his. “I’m surprised everything hadn’t been looted.”

The boy tapped his knee, “A lot of it was spoiled, for sure, mostly at the gas station and grocery store.” He played being sick. “God, the smell was horrible.”

“Did you spot any of Them?” Kohta inquired.

He nodded, “A few. They were locked up for the most part, people who’d likely secluded themselves after being bit, or so we think.”

 _We’d have to be careful._ When they’d been in the city it was common for the undead to be hiding in interior rooms and narrow spaces, a death wish for the foolish. Situations like that had placed them in tricky spots before.

Having finished his food, he placed the empty plate on a table next to him. “I’d like to take a look around. Maybe they have a police station, we could always use more ammunition.”

“I believe there was one.” Saeko assured.

“Good. Maybe not tomorrow, but the day after if the weathers clear.”

It was another factor he always had to keep in mind, because without bullets, he’d be borderline worthless in combat. There were ways to manufacture ammunition privately, from what he’d heard and read in America, but it’d be difficult to find the equipment he needed.

 _Maybe they have a registry of firearm licenses in the area?_ A long shot, to be sure, but it was important to take every chance he could get.

“I’ll come with you.” Saya brushed his hand.

A mixture of happiness and concern washed through him, he knew it was impossible to argue, so instead he smiled. “Alright.”

Rei spoke, “Same here, for security.”

To have the ginger volunteer was a mild surprise, but Kohta agreed. She’d become far more proficient with the Springfield, though still reluctant to fire it.

“We could all go if you wa-“ Takashi started, but Hirano stopped him.

“I appreciate it, but a smaller group is more efficient. Someone needs to hold down the fort, right?”

Their leader seemed miffed, but concurred, nonetheless.

“Well, I think that’s enough seriousness for one day, why don’t we relax now? Today’s been stressful.” Though she wasn’t insisting, Shizuka spoke with a finality that they all understood.

With the meeting adjourned, the group broke up. Takashi and Saeko retreated up the stairs, hand in hand. Kohta noticed Rei watching them. The typical reaction from her would be a wild cocktail of bitterness and jealousy, instead she seemed distant.

He got up, taking his plate into the kitchen. By the time he returned, Saya had already claimed the entire sofa, her long legs stretched out where he’d been seated, eyes closed.

 _She’s exhausted._ And regardless how he tried to rationalize it, he’d been the one that caused it, feeling guilty was a natural reaction.

He vowed to do better in the future.

After his… rollercoaster of a nap in the tree, it would take some time for him to go to sleep, so he chose to meditate on his balcony. As he went up the stairs, he noticed Rei staring into the fire.

_Would it kill Takashi to be a little more sensitive?_

Not that he was one to talk.

The walls of the manor were well insulated, which really helped in this season. However, they could not mute all sound coming from a room.

Making his way past Takashi’s door, he could hear suppressed moans and shushing. He had an inkling what those two were up to, but to know it was happening on the other side of this slab of wood was embarrassing no matter how you cut it.

Swiftly, he trudged down the hall and closed his door with a mighty thud. Grabbing a cushion, he braced against the cool air, but made himself comfortable. Cleansing his mind took some effort, but he managed, after all he was a teenage boy.

With the absence of light pollution, the sky was more beautiful than he ever would’ve imagined a few years ago. The events of the day helped him realize this, in their own way. It was important to take these moments.

So, Kohta sat alone in his thoughts, relaxing more with each breath, as he allowed the glow of the night to cover him.

* * *

When he picked up on the sound of footsteps, it was unclear how much time had passed, the air still temperate and the moon closer to the horizon.

He mulled over who it could’ve been, since it’d ceased, likely Shizuka or Alice heading to their room. Kohta prayed that Takashi and Saeko had finished their romp in the hay by this time. A light breeze tickled his nose, distracting him.

The door creaked open and a tentative voice reached out.

“Kohta?”

Apparently, Rei had come for a visit.

_At this hour?_

“On the balcony.”

Hearing the door shut and quick footsteps, she was outside in seconds, standing at the edge of the railing. He was puzzled to say the least.

She looked out over the garden, to the distant horizon cast in a dark silhouette. The girl seemed troubled, conflicted.

“You can take a seat if you’d like.” He motioned to a chair next to her. She glanced at him and sat down without a word.

In all the time they’d worked together, he’d never grown very close to the ginger. Though she was still family like the rest. He knew of her… rocky history with Takashi, but not the details, figuring it was private information. The two would talk about the boy, Hisashi, when they thought they were alone.

Apparently, Takashi had to kill him, though he and Rei had been dating.

An admittedly horrible start to the apocalypse, but he didn’t make it his business to snoop or comment. Since they had left Saya’s parents, she and Saeko had become more competitive with one another over Takashi.

It was one of the reasons why he believed he went unnoticed, but he pushed those thoughts away.

Their competition had never become an issue, mostly staying above the belt, but whether it was the fact that she had left him for his best friend, or the seemingly natural magnetism that Saeko had, Rei was fighting an uphill battle.

And losing.

This reminded him of an odd talk he had with their leader…

* * *

“You know you could always date both of them.” Kohta stated simply.

The two girls had gotten particularly riled up that day, putting the group in danger with their actions. Both Saya and Shizuka had given them a verbal lashing as punishment.

Takashi cocked an eyebrow, “Are you kidding?”

He wasn’t sure if his statement bothered Takashi, he could easily pass this off as a joke, but he had given some semi-serious thought about it in the past.

“I mean, with society having collapsed, it isn’t a bad idea, who’s to say you can’t be with two women at the same time? At some point the world is going to have to repopulate and there might not be enough men around to meet the challenge one on one.”

Takashi snorted. The reasoning seemed logical enough, from a certain point of view. Inwardly Kohta knew it’d be far more difficult than that. Polygamous relationships could easily cause trouble if the hierarchy or agreement wasn’t adhered to.

Not that he had any experience, obviously.

“I’m serious.” Kohta urged him.

“R-r-ihgt.” Takashi drawled.

He gave up, there was no use in pushing the matter. “I’m just suggesting, it might save you some headache.”

The boy clapped him on the shoulder, “Or just the opposite!” He chuckled.

* * *

Though Takashi had treated it like a joke, Kohta hadn’t been kidding. It didn’t bother him that Takashi wasn’t willing to try and ask… What bothered him was seeing Rei putting so much effort into a sinking ship. It struck a chord in his heart.

Maybe it was selfish, but he didn’t care. He wanted the group to be happy.

In a way it would’ve provided the best of both worlds. They would be given equal romantic and sexual attention; in turn the conflict would be minimalized. With a perfect scenario that is.

With another group and other people, the possibility that one party letting the other die to gain an upper hand was there, but he was sure this would never happen.

As it was, their group only had four people who fulfilled a true combat role, which was plenty when They were in small numbers, but there has been a couple of times when, even at their best, they’d almost been overwhelmed, causing Saya, Shizuka, or even Alice to fight.

It was pointless to give this much mental processing to something. Even if it was a little unorthodox, every option should be considered.

He scratched his head, suppressing a groan.

“Hey Kohta?”

“Hmm?”

“What’re your thoughts on relationships?”

With Saya that morning and now Rei, he must have a sign pinned on his back for free romantic advice. He was the least likely to know anything about this, Shizuka would be the better bet.

_Maybe they just trust me to keep my mouth shut?_

Likely, she wanted to understand a man’s perspective and the nurse couldn’t provide this, so it was him or Takashi.

Exhaling through his nose, “You might have to be a little more specific, sorry.”

She fiddled with a strand of hair. “What do guys… y’know, look for in a woman?”

This was more straightforward than he was expecting.

He sighed, “I wish there was a simple answer. This is about Takashi, right?”

Rei went stiff and just as quickly relaxed, looking sheepish. “Is it that obvious?”

“I won’t laugh at you.”

Looking down at the garden, “Believe me, I understand.”

And he did, probably more than anyone now. Before Z-Day he had accepted he’d likely never have a girlfriend throughout high school, or even girl-friends. That was how the social ruling worked. Otakus were outcasts from the start.

She held her arms close, a hundred rampant thoughts barely contained.

“He’s not going to choose me… is he?”

It would be a bitter pill to swallow, but after Takashi’s actions tonight and brushing off his suggestion, there wasn’t much hope for her. He almost wanted to cry, but he was anything but dishonest.

“No. I don’t think he will. I’m sorry.”

A moment passed for his words to sink in, whatever dam that she was holding back broke. It started with a sniffle and slowly evolved into open sobbing as she desperately tried to wipe away tears.

He found himself that day, once more, in a peculiar place.

Kohta never comforted a woman before, save the few impossibly brief times Saya would allow herself to be vulnerable, but he knew Rei needed it now more than ever.

_Time to push that comfort zone._

Standing from his cushion, he ushered her up from her seat. Channeling the feelings that he had when Shizuka and Saya embraced him, he returned it to her, not too tight, but enough to be close.

He could feel his shoulder growing damp.

“I just don’t understand why. I tried so… so hard.” She cried into his neck.

Raising a hand, unsure what to say, he brushed her hair, trying to comfort as best he could. “I know. I know.”

He remained there, allowing the girl a chance to be open and raw, without fear of judgement. It could take her a few minutes or an hour, but he steeled himself to be the support she needed.

* * *

His neck and arms were sore, but eventually she broke away, thanking him. He settled back on his cushion, Rei sitting beside him as opposed to the chair.

Kohta was sure he’d sleep like a rock, though he didn’t regret it.

Wiping away stray tears, “I probably look ridiculous.”

“You don’t, trust me.”

A trace of a smile touched her. “I was talking with Shizuka the other day after we finished cleaning up.” She sniffed. “Everyone, but me, has somebody to love.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” He scratched at the fabric covering his knee.

Rei gazed up at the stars, “I lost to Saeko weeks ago, I just didn’t believe it, but since they’re… well. I liked to think I was still in the race, y’know?”

So, clearly, she had heard them.

He was uncertain what to say, “I do… Not to play your feelings as a joke, but before Z-Day I didn’t believe I even had a ticket to the start line.”

It was honest, a frown on his brow.

She drew her knees to her chest, sniffing again. “Hisashi had been there for me. Takashi had grown more distant and the drama between Shido and my dad… I just… didn’t know what to do.” Fresh tears trickled out.

“For him, you understand, it likely felt like a stab in the back.” He cringed, but there was no other way to say it. If she wanted to know how men would react, this was one of them.

He rushed to think of something encouraging or enlightening to say.

“Feelings like love are fickle… from what I’ve seen. For guys especially, I believe. Takashi was in pain, so he just wanted to move on. Saeko was the only candidate. Or that’s what I think.”

She raised her voice. “What choice did I have?”

Kohta had treaded into hot water, as opposed to taking the dive, he diverted the flow. “I can’t tell you that, unfortunately. What happened between you and him, I will only vaguely understand. You two have history.”

Rei didn’t respond, he had effectively covered himself.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, “I do know this, you’re an unbelievably strong woman. More than I think you give yourself credit for.”

Her eyes were sparkling, a well of emotions he couldn’t begin to understand. It was like Saya all over again.

“Whatever happens, will happen. You’re true to your feelings, as abrasive and rash as they can be, but that isn’t such a bad thing.”

He removed his hand, looking to the heavens. “You all are so outspoken, driven in your feelings, it makes me wish I was the same.”

She brushed her tears with a sleeve. “Well, Saya can make up for the both of you.”

This gave him pause, making the boy blush. “Very funny.”

“She likes you, Kohta.” The ginger’s resolve was clear. Maybe the reason why she was so pushy during Truth-or-Dare was because she was trying to get them together. To make up for the pain that she wouldn’t be with Takashi?

He wouldn’t hold anything against her.

Clearing his throat, “After today, I’m so confused, since I’ve got your ear. I don’t really know what she’s thinking, but she was so… I don’t know.”

“She was jealous.”

“Of what? I’m not the most attractive guy.” It was pathetic that he beat down on himself, but even after her touches that evening, the thought that he could be with Saya was still outlandish.

“If you thought a man’s perspective was difficult, a girl’s is exponentially worse. I wish I could help, but I do believe that she likes you.”

Kohta looked at her, she appeared sincere. “Well, be that as it may, I want to make sure, I never want to pressure Saya because of my feelings.”

Rei pushed her shoulder against him, tipping him a bit, giggling. “Such a man.”

He pushed back, until he was upright. “You’re too kind.”

It was good to see her mood improving, even if it was a little embarrassing for him. The next few minutes were in appreciative silence, giving his mind a break.

Cold fingers wrapped around the top of his hand. Her skin was softer, and hand smaller than he’d thought. “Thanks, Kohta… For all this. I know it wasn’t exactly fun to talk about.”

His cheeks pinked, she pulled away and stood. “Anytime…” Was all he could manage.

_Damn teenage hormones._

She turned towards the door, “You better not catch a cold. I know someone would have your head for that.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Having made her exit, Kohta leaned back, stretched out, and tried to relax his mind, hoping to get some rest, too lazy and sleepy to return to his bed.

The wind picked up, cooling his nerves. As many chances as he had, he still wasn’t accustomed to talking with girls or talking about feelings for that matter, especially in regard to romance. It also didn’t help that all of them were drop-dead gorgeous.

He was satisfied, however, that she seemed in a better frame of mind leaving than when she arrived.

Reaching out, grabbing another cushion, he placed it under his head and fell asleep.

It wasn’t that cold anyways.

* * *

Trying her best to not disturb anyone, Rei opened the door as quietly as she could.

Though it didn’t seem to matter, because standing on the other side she found Saya staring at her, a perplexing look plastered on her face.

A wave of heat washed over her, realizing how this must look. “Saya, it’s not wha-“

The girl raised a hand, “I know, I’ve been listening for a while.”

Her brute force honesty caught her off guard, but she was thankful there was no misunderstanding. “You did?”

Saya nodded, “I did.”

She stood there for a second, before trying to make a swift getaway.

“Thank you.”

This surprised her, causing Rei to stop.

“I’m sorry?”

The genius changed gears, “Kohta was right, you’re strong, in your own way. Don’t let that idiot Takashi get you down.”

Besides the subtle whiplash, she ran some loose hair behind her ear and smiled. “Thanks.”

It seemed that Saya was finished, so she retreated to her room, feeling far lighter than she had in a long time.

* * *

Saya remained at the door, waiting, wondering.

_Why am I even here?_

A small part of her knew but tried to repress it. Takashi and Saeko couldn’t have kept their pants on any longer it seemed, but they could’ve had the decency to go to the other wing of the mansion to enjoy their time together.

She could feel the heat coming out of her collar, her cheeks flushed.

_Stop it!_

She didn’t come here for that. Easing through the door, she noticed the door to the balcony was propped open. Taking off her slippers, not wanting to risk making any noise, she peeked through the crack.

He was sound asleep, snoring lightly, completely at peace. Grabbing a large blanket from the beg and careful to not let the door swing out far enough to hit anything, she stood over him, in her lacy pink pajamas.

 _What am I doing here?_ She thought.

She remembered his face earlier in the day, full of fear, panic, such stark contrast to now. There was one thing she was certain of in all this, she never wanted to see him that way again.

And it was her doing. The guilt gnawed at her.

Taking some of the other spare cushions, she sat down the cover wrapped around her shoulders and observed him, not that she would find much, but it brought her some reprieve. There was a chance that they could’ve lost him today, it scared her.

The events from earlier brought to harsh light what she’d been trying to stow away for so long.

“I’m in love with you.” She softly whispered.

From the jealous feelings she had when they talked about Asami, before she drove him away, to the brief rage that had bubbled up all too quickly when she discovered that Rei was in his room, alone.

It was funny, in a way, that he was encouraging Rei to understand her value as a person but was so ready to put himself down in the process. He’s kind, cunning, and brilliant in a way that few people could understand.

But she did.

And she hadn’t told him.

People had a habit of thinking just because she was in a rich family that her life was easy. Though she might’ve not dealt with some of the problems that the less privileged would, there was a unique set of challenges that she faced as well. One that they would never understand.

Considering that she was a child of a well-known politician and businessman, Saya, on very few occasions, had become a target of kidnapping, though they were swiftly taken care of and she never faced harm. She grew up knowing that people would see her worth, not in her mind or heart, but as an asset to be taken advantage of.

The fact that Takashi had gotten as close as he had was a miracle. Her one friend.

She could’ve made it into any school she chose, her grades and aptitude for academics gave her that ability, yet she chose to follow Takashi. Even knowing he was with Rei, she still wanted to be with him.

Because, outside of him, she had no one.

It wasn’t that her parents didn’t try, but she could never mesh well with the other kids in her societal circle. They spent far too much time indulging in their vanity for her tastes.

Takashi was one of the only honest people she knew, direct and bullheaded, something that wave valuable to her. Everyone else was so concerned with what she symbolized, like parasites they wanted a free ticket to the top bracket.

So, what was the easiest solution for dealing with shallow people?

Become a glorified bitch.

So, that’s what she did.

It took many of her fellow students by surprise, but it got the message across. Though there were still plenty of boys foolish enough to confess their feelings to her, just to be shot down publicly.

A part of her cruelly enjoyed their reactions.

Yet, when she thought back on how she remembered Kohta, a meek, chubby otaku with interpersonal skills that’d rival a shut-in, it almost felt like someone else’s memories entirely. She had been cold and dismissive towards him, just like everyone else. When Z-Day came, he was a means to an end.

But now…

Like Takashi, he was relatively open and honest to a fault, but he gave her much more than that. He was a sounding board for her ideas, when he grew more confident, he challenged her, giving her perspective she hadn’t considered. He showed her affection, tenderness, guidance even, loathed as she had been to admit it. Kohta was smarter than he ever gave himself credit for, his own unique wisdom complementing hers.

They bring out the best and worst in one another, and she wants that feelings, needs it even.

And she was scared of it.

Seeing Kohta run away from her brought it all to bear.

She needed him.

 _But does he need me as much?_ The traitorous thought wormed its way through her mind.

Her hand hovered above his face, feeling his warm breath on her fingers, making her shiver.

_Damn these teenage hormones._

With her thoughts like a hurricane, she took the plunge, laying down beside him, hoping to not wake the boy.

Whatever problems, feelings, and fears she was facing, it could wait until morning. Right now, all she wanted to do was sleep beside the person she loved.

And if history proved anything, it was Takagi Saya always got what she wanted.

* * *


End file.
